Son of a Preacher Man
So there was a guy preaching the word of God on the G train this morning. He did this for about seven stops. And if I was waiting for a sign from God to help me to decide whether or not to buy a new Ipod, well, this was it.
Frankly, I thought his preaching skills were lacking. I'm not saying I'm a professional when it comes to prophesizing. I am saying, however, there were a few things you did, preacher man, that turned me off. So just in case you're reading this, here are some areas you might want to work on to more effectively convert us sheep:
- Do not ask people to say "amen" if we think you look good.
- Do not greet every man or woman who gets on the subway who looks vaguely Hispanic by the names Juan or Maria.
- Do not assume said vaguely Hispanic people are from Mexico and then start praying for Mexico. If you start praying for other countries after that, please remember that it's El Salvador, not just Salvador.
- When a Hasidic Jew gets on the train, do not report that you're going to go talk to your "Jewish brother" about money.
- Do not keep threatening to get off at the next stop and then keep riding the subway. You getting off the train is the only thing that would make me say "praise Jesus!" out loud.
- Do not say that people who are homosexual are "funny": that causes part of your demographic to tune out and we're not quite sure what you mean.
- Do not tell everyone how you walk hand-in-hand with Jesus. Like all the time. Do not then go into further detail about how much you two were holding hands and walking close, it sounds gay.
- And most importantly...Do not tell me that you used to be a male prostitute.
Thank you, and of course, god bless.