Happy Endings

I'm incredibly sore today. I figure it's because I slept weird. I find this to be very amusing since I've been sleeping for my whole life. Apparently I need more practice.

For once I don't mind the soreness because I'm getting a massage today. Now don't start thinking I'm some kind of uppity gal who is always getting facials and spa treatments. That's just not me; I’m not only a girl who enjoys the simple pleasures, but I’m frugal. That’s what happens when you grow up in a house where you do a celebratory dance when your father decides to turn the heat up past 55 degrees.

I've only had three real massages in my life. The most memorable, was the one I hunted down in Thailand. This is country known for happy endings so I figured I couldn't leave without getting one. Not an actual happy ending, you sicko, but a quality massage. The only problem was it was practically impossible to find a place that didn't “finish me off.” So we'd find a massage place and it would seem legit until they started to lead us down a back alley and then we realized we had to flee. We actually spent 5 hours trying to find a non red-light massage place. This is not a dilemma in which I thought I’d ever find myself.

Finally, we found one and they put both me and my friend in the same room. In came two little Thai women who yammered away in Thai the whole time. Their voices were so soothing it was like background music. And let me tell you, those women were thorough. My Thai girl turned me over and all of a sudden she was actually walking on my inner thighs. And I mean really close to the goods. Who knew that area was so tense?

And when it was all over I was so relaxed that all I could do was drool in gratitude. I stopped by the gift shop on the way out, hoping that I could pick up a Thai woman for my friends so they could enjoy this amazingness in their very own homes. (I figure if Angelina can bring home children as souvenirs from her travels, I could bring home adults.) Unfortunately they were out of stock.