The life and times of an ethnically ambiguous little lady.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

B'scuse me, indeed!

I've been in quite a few debates over the years as to whether boys and girls can be friends. I've come to the conclusion that it's very possible.

Sure, it helps if one or both of you are in a relationship. Or if you've smooched in the past so it would just be recyling. Or if one of you has a hump, bad teeth, and/or an extra nipple to keep things platonic. (By the way, when I was little, I thought the word was plutonic. I'm a genius). But sometimes, there's just nothing there.

And I have a problem when people say that they don't need any more friends. Granted, for some reason, that seems to bring to mind an image of people rounding up friends like cattle. But I've always loved meeting new people. My friends in college used to joke when I'd disappear for a few hours because it would usually mean that I'd met someone interesting and we hit it off.

"Did you have a good conversation? " they'd ask. (And no, conversation doesn't mean nookie.)

So with all this in mind, I was very suprised by an email I received recently.

You see, I ran into a guy last week that I went to camp with. I had actually run into the guy a few years before, but thought he was living in Florida. (See "Strange Encounters of the Underground Kind" for that exchange.) This time he was having dinner with a lovely lady and I said hi, and we talked briefly, and I introduced him to my friend. Then we parted ways and that was that.

The next day, I found that the guy had not only found me online, but he had emailed me. After the basic chatter he wrote:

"Do you want to go out for a drink sometime? I noticed you introduced the guy last night as your "friend" not as your "boyfriend"..."

Which was true, because they guy is my friend.

So I promptly emailed him back and let him know that I have a very lovely boyfriend, but I'd love to catch up.

His response shocked me. (And keep in mind I've lived in New York for a few years, so it takes a lot.)

First he thanked me for being honest. Then he said he didn't think it would be such a good idea because he didn't think my boyfriend would appreciate it. I thought it was very considerate of him to worry about the state of my relationship.

Then he hit me with the doozy, writing:

"If there's no possibility that this would eventually lead to sex, I'm really not interested. Sorry. I don't need any more friends. That's just how guys are. Good luck with everything."

Wow.

And insert witty retort here.

5 Comments:

Blogger Marina said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8:13 AM

 
Blogger Marina said...

Um, ew. This is a new one, even to me, the queen of keeping the semi-keepers. (!) At least the guy was upfront, making it simple for you to delete him from your internal rolodex.

8:15 AM

 
Blogger Will McKinley said...

yes, all you girls can complain about what a pig he is.

In reality you should congratulate him for being honest and straightforward and for not your wasting time with "let's be friends" when what he wants is a hookup.

Asshole or not, everybody should be that honest.

1:38 PM

 
Blogger micah said...

I don't know, it seems very self-serving — would he have been so honest if she'd gone out with him? Would he have been so upfront while trying to get Em into bed? If he was so honest, why didn't he say: do you want to have sex with me sometime?

Oh, and for the record, that's not how all guys are — and it's not just because I'm married…

7:44 PM

 
Blogger rachael said...

Someone once told me that a person only has time for five friends. You can't have anymore. I think this person was correct. I don't know that 5 is a hard and fast number, but the idea seems valid.

People aren't your friends just because you know them and enjoy them. A friend is someone you share your life with and he/she shares thiers with you. That's time consuming, so this guy probably doesn't need more friends, and it seems he doesn't need more acquaintances. His schedule only allows for sex. Fair enough.

10:23 AM

 

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